Believe it or not, this title is not inspired by the movie, Everything Everywhere All at Once. I came up with it in 2018 when I thought about publishing a physical book of poetry. I never saw that goal through as a physical book, but it was in some part accomplished as a published e-book of haiku which featured different work than you see below.

This is mostly a collection of old poems written throughout my life in response to trauma, siuation-ships, and break ups. Writing is very much a cathartic experience for me. It is a huge part of my healing and growth process. It is part of my identity too – it allows me to be creative and vulnerable. I get to narrate my response to life and then share it with others who consume it in ways I could never imagine.

The title, Everything at once, then nothing at all, tries to capture the purgative nature of each poem in this collection. It also tries to capture my experience with my emotions as a young adult. I felt and reacted to things intensely and in extremes, there seemed to be very little in between.

Therapy and healing my inner child have, and still are, teaching me how to regulate my emotions. Everything doesn’t require a BIG response, yet all of my responses, even the big ones are valid. I can return to my baseline whenever I want, it’s up to me. I can also name what I am feeling and take the space to process if I need it and come back when I am clear and level-headed.

I am looking for ways to reach larger audiences and be published, if you or someone you know can help please reach out here.

  • ocean

    the ocean waves
    i’m shy, but i say hi
    i dive in
    deep
    up to my knees
    in this powerful abyss
    and all i can think of
    is how much i miss
    you
    blue
    the color
    of your
    eyes
    and my feelings
    i keep swimming
    against the tide
    wondering why
    i can’t reach you

  • the only thing silence ever taught me

    the only thing silence ever taught me
    was that my feelings for you were so loud
    with the passing of time those feelings faded
    you’re barely a memory now

    the only thing that silence ever taught me
    was that you were afraid
    there was a time when you’d speak your mind
    and only then were you so brave

    the only thing silence ever taught me
    was to be aware of my other senses
    never before did I feel pain so acutely
    what ever happened to our friendship?

    the only thing that silence ever taught me
    was how to calm my mind
    there were nights where it used to wander
    lusting for your time

    the only thing that silence ever taught me
    was that you did not exist
    just a figment of my imagination
    it was me, that i missed

  • planting roses

    if you want a rose
    and you plant a seed
    and the thing that grows
    is not what you need

    you cannot change it
    by putting in work
    you have to start over
    go back to the dirt

    if you want a rose
    and you plant a seed
    and the thing that grows
    is kind of what you need

    it can be developed
    if dead ends are pruned
    and it can be tended
    to a healthy tune

  • distance

    is distance time?
    or is distance space?

    how many miles will i have to travel
    to forget your face
    the familiar place
    my mind drifts to
    when i sleep or need comfort
    because it does not yet know
    my heart’s stunted

    is distance time?
    or is distance space?

    how many hours will i have to sleep
    for my mind to rest
    from the nightly unrest
    my brain creates
    when it computes our madness
    because it knows now
    of my heart’s sadness

  • untitled

    don’t tell me you love me
    show me how

    everyone says, “i love you”
    so recklessly now

    so forgive me if your declaration
    is met with raised brows

    i’m just a little reluctant to believe in words
    you keep in your pocket like spare change

    and just a little scared to be wounded
    by someone’s illusion of love again

    roots don’t ever grow backward
    and to love means to plant a seed

    so to tell me that you love me
    but then give up

    means you were never capable of sustaining
    the idea that you conceived

  • rewrite of "Without Me" by Halsey

    when night falls i can't sleep
    cuz it feels like i cannot breathe

    my dreams were once so sweet
    now there’s too much pain inside of me

    i'm tryin' to clear my mind
    feels like i'm runnin' out of time

    and now i'm dyin' inside
    cuz everything we had was a lie

    you're asking how i feel
    but do you really care?

    what would you do
    if i told you i was lonely

    you're the reason my heart's bleedin'
    you're the reason my heart's bleedin'

  • rewrite of "Love Galore" by SZA ft. Travis Scott

    done with these n*****
    i'm back with these n*****
    i sleep with these n*****
    do it for fun
    but then i fall in loveeee
    lust-full-y

    i surprise myself
    with all the things i allow
    stroke, stroke inside me
    1, 2, inside me
    done now
    you came inside me
    planting a seed
    that's not ready
    for watering

    i can feel your skin
    but can't feel your heart
    and it tears me apart
    as you tear me apart

    gimme a glass of water
    gimme another plan b
    gimme another n***** or two
    n***** like you

  • rewrite of "Fantasy" by Alina Baraz

    every time you get too close
    i feel i need to let go
    holding hands
    and calling late night
    you see this feels too right
    listen to me babe

    when you strip my body
    and undress my mind
    my balance gets harder to find
    your kisses break my shell
    and your love casts a spell
    i’ve never felt this, well

    i’ve been in this place before
    and i’m not so sure
    my heart’s ready for more
    listen to me babe

    you know i’m falling in love
    i’m getting lost in you and this fantasy
    you could be the perfect man for me
    but i can’t let go of my anxieties

  • rewrite of "Vibin’ Out" by FKJ & ((( O )))

    sittin’ in my power
    learnin’ not to move too quickly

    lettin’ in the sun
    feelin’ the wind blow swiftly

    livin’ in the pain
    while you deny you miss me

  • rewrite of "Bodies" by The Knocks & MUNA

    when we feel that 808
    don’t wait, no way, don’t wait
    move our bodies to the bass drums

    when i feel your body weight
    can’t get away, no way
    my body knows its soulmate

    if we start to slip away
    won’t take no bait for hate
    we built a love foundation

    your body and mine
    your body in mine
    our bodies in pure placement

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